Tag Archives: family

The M Word

Throughout life So far I have struggled to do things for myself. I have never been selfish, always put everyone else first.

And then along came my little Angel, my Christmas Day baby girl, her name is Danielle. My waters broke around 11:45pm on the 23rd December 2015, and I was given until 4:00pm the next day to crank labor into gear otherwise I would have to travel to birth in a different city to where I live.

I walked around, I kept hydrated, I bounced on my Swiss ball, I went up and down our stairs….but nothing! So here I was making sure I had everything I needed and headed off on what seemed to be a drive that would never end.

They checked me and my unborn baby (we weren’t going to find out the sex until delivery) and they ended up inducing me at around 8:00pm then my partner and I waited, talked, napped and waited some more.

Then at 3:20am on Christmas Day everything kicked into gear, I started having contractions but nothing really moved along fast enough. They ended up putting me on a hormone drip and later I was offered the gas.

Hours later I was absolutely buggered, I felt like I was blacking out, I couldn’t keep my eyes open, I couldn’t talk, I was exhausted. So they went ahead and gave me an epidural. I was so exhausted, I was having contractions while they were applying the epidural and I hadn’t even moved! I couldn’t!

At 4:20pm after being threatened with forceps something flicked within me and I just began to push with energy I didn’t even know I had and delivered our beautiful baby girl. A happy, healthy, 7.1 pound 55cm baby. She had decided to come right on her due date.

I stayed in hospital overnight with her by myself and still managed to somehow stay awake the whole night except around an hour and a half, I just watched her, held her, I was so proud. I was a Mother and she was my missing piece to myself, I finally had my own child.

I have loved Motherhood so far, she is growing so fast and she is so smart and so bright. Even on my worse day her smile turns my frown upside down.

I would trade in Motherhood for anything and I will always be proud of the huge amount of energy and mind power I used to get her here.

She is the love of my life! My miracle!

The danger of words

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.

“You’re fat.” “You’re ugly.” “Is that the best you can do?” “You suck.” “You’re stupid.” “You’re lazy.” “You know nothing.” These are all just words, but people have a tendancy to use them to hurt other people.

Do bullies bully because they were bullied or are they just self concious and it makes them feel better?

I was only bullied once, well to my face, and that was when I was in Intermediate. One of my parents decided to give me a mullet (hairstyle) yes it was years ago but why? Why didn’t people think I either didn’t know or had a problem with it? My parents obviously didn’t know it “wasn’t cool” but kids still chose to use it against me, maybe it was because they knew I didn’t like it? Maybe it was because it lowered my confidence so I was more vulnerable? But the teasing even though only verbal still hurt.

You hear so much negativity, and everyone has their judgements but do we really need to voice them? Probably not, but we do anyway.

Besides bullying I think the worst is actually liars, the people that tell lies knowing full well it’s just not true but not having enough respect to be honest to themselves let alone others. Why lie? Truthful conversations are so much more interesting and more productive. 

I look at my 5 month old girl and I wonder  how long I will be able to protect her for, how long she will believe me that she is great, will she come to me if she is bullied? Will she fall for what others think of her and try to be someone she is not to please others? How can I protect her from all of the insecure people out there?

Do I think she will be bullied? Well no of course not. But do I think others will find a part of her they don’t agree with and use it negatively?…probably.

The danger of words can end people’s lives, turn their day upside down, put them into hiding, make them fail when they didn’t need to, change the way they see themselves.

Why can’t we just be nice? Why can’t we accept each individual for who they are? Why do we think we have the right to put someone else down? The sad thing is, it will never stop.

Just live your life the way you want to, don’t let anyone tell you who or what you are, we all want respect and we all want to be accepted. So respect and accept everyone for who they are. And there may not be so much negativity. 

The Gift of Life

I use to be someone who wanted to live my life for myself, I didn’t want to have children and I was not worried if I didn’t settle down with anyone either.

The older I got, and the more my friends had families of their own I understood why people did it, they were so happy.

I come from a broken family, my parents are divorced, my sister is divorced, my Aunties and Uncles are divorced, there are family members I either have never met or only knew about and met in my mid twenties.

So as a broken family was all I knew, I thought well what’s the point, why would i want someone else to go through this heartache and confusion.

But, something happened, I got to an age where I couldn’t stop thinking about a family, I wanted to be the different one in my family, I wanted to show them that I could do it even though they couldn’t.

And when I met my now fiancé Richard, whose family is the complete opposite…a tight unit, I knew this would be just what I needed..a family man.

After being together for a while we decided to have our own bundle of joy, so we set out on our mission which believe it or not only took two months. Our beautiful Daughter Danielle was born Christmas Day 2015, which was her due date and she was perfect.

I never thought I would feel so strongly for another human being ever in my life, I always wondered about how new mothers explained it wondering if it was true, but it is, you fall in love instantly. Everything becomes worth it.

Everyday I look at her I feel like I have won, I have achieved my ultimate goal in life. I will continue to hold my promise to Danielle and to myself and most of all Richard, as now we are a family, and family are meant to stay together.

I am now complete.

The Beast

Recently someone close to me had an absolute melt down, one that no one ever expected, let alone themselves I’m sure. Depression? Anxiety? Sleep Deprivation? Feelings? They are all there.

Depression and Anxiety do go hand In hand and I think that when someone has to struggle with both, that it’s incredibly sad and unfair.

To be happy one hour or day then to snap the next does happen to the majority of us, but when you battle with the all mighty depression and/or Anxiety, you find yourself in mind sets you never thought possible.

This person explained “I just can’t believe how easy it was to plan and go ahead with” and “I just googled how much I would need for a drug overdose and I was set” this information is easily available, which I think is just terrifying, but you certainly can’t stop it!

So, when this dear person ended up in a Medically Induced Coma Unit, and I went in to visit I really wasn’t sure what to expect, would they be relieved they didn’t loose the battle to this monster? would they be sad they failed? And as I hoped not to hear, they were sad that their mission had failed.

Had they beaten the monster? Would the monster make them try again? No one had ever thought this day would be possible, yet here we are at their bed side waiting and watching hoping that strength would come back to their fight.

This weak, sad, defeated, lonely life.

We seem to take a lot for granted and we seem to miss a lot of signs but are we all capable of this kind of malicious act on ourselves? Of course we are, we are all human and some people are stronger than others. Respect and treat people the way you wish to be treated.