I have always been quite a strong individual, I have always brushed things off, never held a grudge or had enemies, but I feel like I’m changing, I feel like I am becoming someone else.
Since I had my baby girl, for some reason I’m more sensitive to negativity. I want to build up walls to block out the negativity so she won’t get hurt, and so I won’t become affected.
Lately I experienced a new feeling, it was one of positivity, negativity and nausea all at once, it felt confusing, it felt different but I didn’t mind it. I didn’t understand it it I didn’t mind it.
While sitting there knowing why I was feeling it and not knowing how to fix it, I left it, I didn’t go and distract myself, I didn’t cry or scream, I didn’t become negative or any happier, I just sat there numb, letting it take over me.
I am unsure to how long this feeling will last, I am unsure to where this feeling has come from within me or how my mind and body knew how to create it, I am unsure to what it is trying to tell me. What I do know is that I accept it and I trust it.
In the mean time the ugly situation and the ugly truth to which caused it, will remain in the background, no longer important, no longer drowning me, no longer dragging me down.
I feel like this might be an emotional break through, a break through I have been waiting for to allow myself to let go of the hurtful things and the negative things around me, around us.
We will see what I become.