Communicating without making assumptions.

Communication: The Dictionary says;

  1. 1.
    the imparting or exchanging of information by speaking, writing, or using some other medium.
    “television is an effective means of communication”

So……how can you communicate without assuming?  Easy, you can communicate without making assumptions by simply being curious.  Curiosity killed the cat!

Once upon a time when we were young, we wondered about all kinds of things, and we asked an incredible amount of questions all the time.  But somewhere, someday we decided that everyone “must have it, they must understand” more than we did.  We either became numb to life so much so we forgot to ask questions, or we just didn’t  care enough. Do we really get that wrapped up in our own lives?

Do we really think we have some ability to be able to read someone’s mind? Maybe some people can, but the majority of us cannot.  Somehow, we lost that curiosity and that confidence to ask the questions. This makes me sad.

Perfect example, consider this:

Lea:  I’m really tired of doing so much around this house.

Charlie:  Are you saying I don’t help out enough?

Lea:  Yes!  I have to do everything, while you watch and then just leave more stuff around!

Charlie: Well, I’ve had a busy day, and I am going to pick it up!

Lea:  You’ve had a busy day?!  Do you have any idea what my day has been?

Charlie:  Of course i do, but just let me relax, OK I will pick it up later!

Lea:  Fine!  But don’t expect me to pick it up! I am going to bed!

Now let us just stop right there…. and take a look at this conversation.  What if Charlie had asked Lea a question, instead of assuming she was angry that he hadn’t helped by keeping the place tidy?

What if he had asked her about herself?  He could have said, “Why do you say that you’re tired of doing so much around here?” And she could have replied that she is tired after being at work all day, and just wants to relax and not worry about the house anymore, it feels like to her that it was the one thing than she was in control of today.  This would have opened up the conversation to problem-solving, so that Charlie and Lea could have figured out a way for both of them to unwind, and for the home to still look fantastic and tidy to Lea’s standards. If it wasn’t about standards then it would have still let lea feel like something was achievable.  There was no need for anyone to be on the defensive, and they could have got that out in a matter of 5 minutes and still had a pleasant evening together. Easy! Well it should be.

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